The Church of the Open Door

Before I launch into a rant against organized religion, let me first stay true to the name of my blog.

On my way down to visit a house I once lived in as a child, I passed a church called the "Church of the Open Door".

There's one of these franchises up here in Dover, PA and it had struck me back then that I had no luck in finding an open door on the place. It being 7PM on a Tuesday I didn't consider it blog-worthy.

But this past week, I passed another one of these establishments near Owings Mills, Maryland and the parking lot was damn near full. Still, no open door. Even taking the time to drive around the building, no open door anywhere!

What gives here?

On the way home I started thinking about the Church, and organized religion, and cults, and what Chri$tianity means to me based on some telling experiences I have had of late.

Yes, I spelled it with a dollar sign on purpose because it has become clear to me that organized religion, at least Chri$tianity, has become more of a business than I am willing to accept.

At my last actual attendance at Church, our Pa$tor told us that we should make sure and put our names on the little envelopes we are supposed to be using so that "credit will be given to the proper person"

Hmmm....

Are we to believe that God uses Microsoft Excel to track our donations to His cause? How does the list of who gave how much get there to Him or does he have someone 'down here' taking care of that for Him?

Know what? I'm gonna stop using a capital letter to refer to God (except as a proper name of course) from now on. He made us in his own image, he puts his pants on one leg at a time. I doubt he cares about the capital "H" so screw it. Too much work to hit the shift button all the time.

I and a buddy of mine started a Contemporary Chri$tian music group about a year or so ago, and as a musician I have never been treated so poorly as I have by these so called 'men of the cloth'. I have been discriminated against because of my age, we have been cancelled with no notice and these people do not return emails or phone calls. I have been treated better by owners of roadhouses, bars and biker clubs than Pa$tors and Mini$ters.

I could go on about literal interpretations of the Bible and how it got the part about Jesus' followers being sheep., etc. etc. but I'm just gonna say that Faith is a dish best served in silence and I ain't gonna recruit people to believe what I believe especially when it's just a big ol' hairy business anyhow.

I plan to never set foot in a Church again.

Isn't ice 32 degrees?

I see this little scrolling sign at work every day - truth in advertising? How can the beverage be 'ice-cold' at 37 degrees Fahrenheit when ice, by its very nature, must be at 32 degrees or below?

Truth be told, if the produce were delivered as advertised, it may present as a block of ice (unless there are impurities which raise the freezing point, like salt) which most customers might find objectionable)

Our Driveway

I am sure that because I filed a complaint against our so-called tax collector (for being a bee-YOTCH) the Township is out to get me.

Just this morning they had two of those guys with the 'stop-slow' signs up the street about half a mile in each direction; one East, one West. They were in communication by radio, sequencing the cars so that it took me fifteen minutes to get out of our driveway. By the time they finally lost their rhythm and I managed to escape up the road apiece, they were gone.

"You two know each other?"

Captain Stuebing walks into a bar on the Lido Deck of the Pacific Princess with Jean-Luc Picard. Gopher, filling in for Isaac that afternoon, shows Stuebing and his honored guest to the Captain’s Table, where Julie, Doctor Bricker, Charo, and Zsa-Zsa await his arrival on this, his 112th birthday. Unfortunately for the two bald headed captains, there is but one chair left at the table. A brawl ensues, with Picard calling Stuebing an ‘earthbound, two dimensional misfit’ and, after finally backing poor Merrill up against a pool table near the men’s lounge, executes his coup de grace, dumping an ashtray full of cigarette butts, discarded fish bones (from the Catch of the Day) and used toothpicks into the captain’s pleading, disbelieving eyes.

Can I send the IRS a UOU?

If the IRS is sitting on tens of thousands of dollars of my money, can I send them a UOU?

A sign of the Times

I saw a sign at a church today (they are always trying to be witty on those things) that said,

"If you had everything, where would you put it?"

My reply is that if I owned everything why couldn't I just leave it all where it is?

Are you bleeding, or is that your pen?

This may be slightly outside of my normal posting regimen, but being that it concerns pen and ink I thought I would post it anyway.



Seems in Australia they tried to outlaw using red pens to correct schoolwork, because the color red was "too aggressive" and could lead to self-esteem issues when students do poorly.



Let's look at two words:



Asshole Asshole


Do you find either of these words more or less offensive when compared with the other?

I didn't think so...

How about these:

Romantic Island Getaway Romantic Island Getaway

Did you look at one of these and get all misty, while the other one left you, well.... "meh"?

I didn't think so...

How did we get along all those years not knowing about this supposed 'study' that gave us this tidbit of legislative masturbatory fodder?

Folks, an "F" is an "F" is an "F", and an "A" is an "A" is an "A".

Whoever came up with this is probably the student that should have been left behind...

I use the biggest Pelikan fountain pen made, with a triple broad nib, loaded with Cardinal Red ink. I fill it weekly.